Raising Daughters Who Are Strong Leaders #ngwsd
National Girls and Women in Sports Day is a time to reflect and celebrate the extraordinary achievement of women and girls in sport. The event this year recognizes athletes, coaches and advocates who are impacted by Title IX and working together toward its promise of equal opportunity in sports.
Houghton College asked three former Houghton athletes to give their perspective on their playing experiences, the life lessons gained through sport and how they support their daughters as they pursue their own sporting endeavors.
Nancy Cole
Former Houghton volleyball player
Current Houghton head women's volleyball coach
Mother of one daughter and one son
Alicia Mucher
Former Houghton basketball player
Current Houghton head women's basketball coach
Mother of two daughters and one son
Desiree Miller
Former Houghton soccer player
Current teacher at Fillmore Central School
Mother of five daughters
Why did you get involved in sport?
Mucher: I loved being part of a team. I loved setting goals, reaching them and even falling short of them because I have always loved a challenge. I am naturally someone who seeks competition and enjoy the strategy and the process of working towards something together. I played three different sports in high school: soccer, basketball and softball. Each team was unique in itself. Each sport experience had its own challenges and joys, but the most joy that kept me involved in sports was the fact that I was able to develop deep relationships with my teammates that are still important to me today.
Cole: I love sports, love being active, love competing. I was athletic so I did well – that always helps. My older siblings all did sports. I couldn't imagine not being around it.
Miller: Athletics have always been a big part of my like. Ever since I was little I remember going to my dad's softball games and being involved in youth sports. We lived in Belfast until I was about 6 years old and then moved to Florida. My parents would always bring me to my older brother and sister's games. One vivid memory I have is going to my sister's softball game in Belfast and noticing that all the girls were "wearing different" colored shorts, sweatpants and shirts. I later put together that the girls' teams never had uniforms, but the boys did.
Did you ever feel you didn't have the same opportunities being a female… as male athletes had?
Mucher: No. I actually used to play on the boys soccer team when I was a young girl. I played with the 9
th-10
th grade team when I was in 8
th grade. I couldn't wait to prove myself to the boys that I played with, but I knew that many of the girls in my class wanted to play, but wouldn't because we didn't have a girls team. Many of them were not willing to play with the boys, so we started our own girls' soccer program. I was privileged to play sports at a time where many girls before me paved the way to make that possible. I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunities I had as a young girl to be involved in sports.
Have you seen any changes in the perceptions of female athletes compared to what you saw growing up?
Mucher: I think female athletes have earned more respect. They are looked at as frail females, but in reality we are strong and tough. There has always been a negative connotation when people would say: "you play like a girl." Girls should be proud to play like a girl. So many young women have made history in the world of athletics and they will continue to do so.
How have you tried to support/encourage your own daughter(s) in sport?
Mucher: They just need to be exposed to sport and provided the opportunity to get involved. We have always taught our child that being part of a team is an essential thing to learn and a fantastic thing to be part of. Working with others toward a common goal can be one of the most rewarding experiences you can have.
Cole: I love watching her play. I try to go to all the games that I can and encourage her to be invested. We talk about sports, the positives about being involved, the hard things, what being part of team should be like. We talk about respecting her coaches even when she doesn't agree with them.
Miller: Since becoming a mom of five daughters I have found such joy in watching them. When I go to a game, I get to be just a mom watching them enjoy something they love. I have seen a big difference in girls' sports since I was in sports. In Fillmore, I believe girls' sports have become much more respected. I truly believe that has everything to do with our administration and athletic director. I believe that our AD has his heart in the right place and creates opportunities for everyone. It hasn't always been smooth though. Our daughters work very hard at sports. They put in extra time, extra effort, take lessons, and work out.
Why do you think it's important that your daughter(s) participate in sport? What are the lessons she is learning?
Mucher: She is learning how to practice, work hard and push through adversity. She is learning how to support, encourage and push her teammates and along the way she is learning so many different intangibles that will eventually build her into a great leader. Walking through experiences that are difficult, painful, joyful and unforgettable with be those things that shape her, mold her and prepare her for her future. I absolutely believe that being involved with sport and on a team can best prepare you for life in general.
Cole: Sports teach us so much especially team sports. How to work with a team, be good teammates, encourage each other, figure out how to handle losing and winning graciously, push through hard things.
Miller: [We've had] a lot of talks with our oldest daughters, to believe in yourselves, be a leader, stand up for others and what you believe, work hard at what you love, and to remember to push yourself to be even better if that is what you want to do. I believe it is so important for them to participate in athletics. I truly believe that it builds character, leadership, commitment, strength, and allows them to experience independence. Some lessons sports has taught them is to never give up, show compassion, to be brave when you feel weak, and to find ways to lead through example.
Have you been tempted to "push" your daughter(s) too much into sport?
Mucher: Of course I have been tempted. I'm a competitive person and I think all parents wish their kids love the things that they love. I think this is a very natural thing to do, but as parents, we need to be extremely careful with this very thing. Pushing and encouraging are two very different things. When we encourage and expose our children to things, I think they can begin to figure things out on their own. I have no specific goals and plans for my children. It is their job to figure out what things they enjoy and it is my job to support them, push them to work hard and be involved in the things that they are interested in. Loving and supporting my children in their interests is very important. God has made my kids all unique and they are all gifted in different areas. Do I hope that they love sports as much as I do? Of course I do. But if they don't, I will still love and support them because they mean the world to me regardless.
Cole: Yes and no. I think I was at first but have realized that I want her to make her own decisions about what she wants to play and how involved she wants to get. I don't want her to get burnt out because we push her too far. I want her to continue to love sports.
Miller: I do admit that we have pushed them at times. But I also believe that we need people to push us to reach our potential once in a while. We do ask our girls to be great at what they choose and to give it everything they've got. We often have those talks about having heart and confidence.
What role does sport play in developing strong female leaders?
Cole: [It plays a] huge role, if they choose to let it. It teaches you so much about life, and interacting with others, and pushes you out of your comfort zone and gives you the chance to be a leader on and off the court. But you have to choose to accept that leadership and to do it positively. It comes down to their attitude and desire to be a leader and a good one.
What drove you into coaching?
Mucher: The Lord gave me a love for the game of basketball and has shown me how we can use a simple game to develop deeper relationships with our team, but it's so much bigger than this. As a team, we can have a larger impact on those around us as long as we are willing to be used by the Lord. Basketball, like any sport can be something that challenges each individual on a team and will help our players get stronger mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have the opportunity to have an impact on the lives of my players in a variety of ways—this is what makes coaching worth it. To pour into other people's lives is what it's all about. To love and be loved, to grow and learn together and to support one another along the way is such a special thing. You can never predict what any season will look like, but the one thing you know will happen is that relationships will be strengthened and you will develop lifelong friendships. How could you not want to be part of that?
As a coach, what are you trying to instill in your players?
Mucher: The ability to be a selfless teammate who can put her teammates above herself. That my players have a love for the game, work their very hardest to be the best player they possibly can, play for the glory of God and that they can see basketball for more than just the sport that it is. That basketball can be a tool to share Christ, love others and to be part of something that is so much bigger than yourself. I also want my players to understand that basketball is a big part of who they are, but it is not something they should find their identity in. Their identity is to be found in Christ. Basketball is a gift and we are to be thankful for the opportunity to play and thankful for the time we have to be part of something special. The experiences you have within your team will always prepare you for your future.
Cole: Living life to the fullest here on earth and glorifying God through the talents he has given them both on the court but also off the court –relationally, academically, spiritually as well as athletically. Working together to be the best they can be as individual athletes and people but also how that works best in a team. Putting God and their team above themselves… and doing it with joy and excitement for life. God wants us to do life abundantly – I want to help them figure out what that looks like. It is so easy to get weighed down by the pressures of school and life and be miserable.